I almost titled this post If I am murdered my neighbor did it because that is how I am left feeling every time I have a ‘confrontation’ with my current neighbor.

My roommates and I inhabit the second and third floor apartment of a house, he is our downstairs neighbor.

There were no problems between us until about a month ago when our landlord told him that he would not allow for him to resign his lease.  I am not sure if our landlord blamed us or what went on between them but we are receiving the force of the neighbors anger.

It is hard to deal with someone who is irrational without the situation escalating but I feel that I have learned some valuable skills from first hand encounters that I would like to share them with you.

The goal of these following steps is to dissipate the situation.

1. Don’t argue with the person.  If the person is really upset chances are they will not be willing to see your point of view.  Apologize for the situation and state how you will work to resolve it.  Example, when the neighbor rang the door bell at 12:15 am telling us our television was to loud when we didn’t even have it on and we had previously been waken by him moving furniture around in the middle of the night.  We simply said that we would watch the volume on it and he left promptly.
2. Stay calm.  If you are experience the equivalent to an adult temper tantrum you getting upset and angry will only entice the situation and make the person become defensive.   Example, when the neighbor took my parking space at mid day (meaning I’d have to park a good couple miles away and walk back to the apartment) and started yelling at me that he wanted the spot the moment I pulled into the drive way.  In fear of him throwing a tire iron through my window I decided to run errands.  He is banned by the landlord from parking in our lot because he parks like a jackass and takes up two spots.
3. If a confrontation becomes eminent walk away; not only will the situation stop from becoming out of hand you will look like the bigger person.  Example, when two of my roommates returned from the bar at 2 am and were on the porch talking so quietly that we could not hear them 15 feet away and he came out yelling at them to shut up and woke our entire house and the three neighbors up by yelling, “you guys are assholes and I’m calling the cops.”  My roommates went inside as he stood outside swearing at the empty porch until the cops came because a neighbor called them on him.
4. Contact someone involved who can better handle the situation.  Example, we contacted our landlord in a letter to inform him of our concerns.  Even though our landlord may have caused the hostility if the situation ever escalates to someone being taken to jail there is proof that we have had him harassing us in the past.

Also, a little side note, if the police do become involved make sure that you get a copy of the police report so you can make sure all information is accurate.

In summary, don’t argue, stay calm, walk away, and contact someone who can better alleviate the problem.

There are few things which irritate and disappoint me more then someone who acts as if the world owes them something just for being themselves; those people who exert a sense of entitlement, frequently referenced as a negative trait of my generation.

I recently read a post which is a perfect example of this. The post is titled “Successful Old People Should Stop Being Selfish And Retire” and asserts that young people “can’t find jobs not only because this recession sucks, but also because old people are choosing not to retire…and now: they don’t want to give it all up after squandering away our environment and screwing up our market. So next time when you can’t find a job, don’t blame the minority for filling some quota (that is extremely rarely the reason why you don’t get hired), just go ahead and blame the people at the top.”

After reading that I had to sit back for a moment and consider what I had just read. If I have trouble getting a job it is because some older person at the top (of the company) is refusing to retire. It has nothing to do with me, its only because someone won’t retire. Do people really believe this?

People do not get promoted within a company because there is simply an open, they also have to be qualified to handle the position and its responsibilities. John Infante put it perfect when he commented, “If there’s a post where the fresh blood is being told that they have everything they need to be in that post, except an available post, then I see your point. Especially if it’s conceded that the old guard is able to do the work, but the younger workers in waiting could do it better. The company should be prepared to move that person aside.”

The author argues that older people are not retiring because they are a, “new generation of “old people” think they will never die due to modern advances in medicine. They are ambitious workaholics who are also too selfish and egocentric to step aside and believe that a younger person could do just a good of a job, if not a better one. They are the first generation who have received so much: peace, propsperity, and technology.

I may be incorrect, but I believe OUR GENERATION was described as, up until Sept. 11, as the first generation which has lived in peace, prosperity, and has experienced life only with technology.

In many instances upper level corporate employees will choose to stay on with the company when they could have retired because it is what is best for the company. They postpone their retirement for the benefit of the company, which seems selfless to me. If there is no qualified person to replace them, or the company opts to retain them during a transition period when their successor gradually takes over their duties. If the person was that easily replaceable they would have been fired a long time ago.

If you showed this post to a group of people who have worked their way to their current positions I think they would share the sentiment that JRandom42 expressed in his comment, “You’re supposed to be the best and the brightest, given every chance, opportunity and edge that I never had. You just want me to hand over my success just because you think I should be put out to pasture? I’ll laugh in your face and tell you to grow up and quit whining like my 4 yr old granddaughter. You can have my success and the fruits of it when you pry it away from those I find worthy of it and choose to bestow it on.”

Pushing out older workers does not transform a company into some Utopia full of ‘fresh blood’; it creates a company of unexperienced workers. Money can buy you an education and just about anything you could ever need but it cannot buy you experience. Only time can provide you with the opportunity to gain experience, and experience doesn’t mean anything unless you embrace it. Emily Hill hit on this point in her comment, “Age and experience has its benefits. Once you stop seeing the older generation as the impediment to your success, maybe you’ll see it to. And figure out a way that you can benefit from it.” You can’t learn from experience unless you get off your soap box and embrace it. These people who you are so quick to push out are the ones who formed the industry as it is today, the ones that put the foundation in the ground for companies to be what they are today, and the ones who are wrote about in your text books. They are the ones that you need to be learning from, but you can’t do that until you admit that you can learn from them. There is not a single successful older person who was working in the mail room one day and told their CEO that they could do the job better and was sitting as CEO the next day. They used opportunities they had to showcase their skills and to learn from the older more experienced employees.