Each person is a representative for their employer, their organizations, and themselves (through their personal brand). One aspect of being that representative is understanding that making an ass of oneself, insulting others, and having a poor attitude in general is detrimental to business and personal relations. While most understand the aforementioned to be true, what about the people who don’t? How do you confront the people who, though their poor or improper behavior, are hurting business?

1. Evaluate their current and past behavior. Is there a pattern? Do they only make an ass out of themselves when alcohol is involved? Are they unbearable only when they are involved in a personal tiff with a someone? Try to evaluate if there is a reason to their behavior because they may be unaware of it.
2. Try and understand the situation from their point of view? Maybe they are allowing themselves to get a bit out of hand when drinking because they believe that it is okay. There is a good chance that they do not view the situation in the same light as you do, its beneficial to try and find that frame of reference they are living in.
3. Absorb with others tell you, and don’t regurgitate it. If the problem has escalated to requiring group attention then everyone is going to have an opinion about it. Listen and absorb what others tell you, but don’t repeat it because (a) you don’t want to seem like you are ganging up and (b) you don’t want to promote ‘group think’ where people just agree to be upset because other people are. If you feel that you need to talk out the situation do it with someone not directly involved in the situation.
4. Determine an ideal solution. If the coworker becomes angry and creates a hostile environment every time they have more then two things to do maybe the ideal situation would be for them to go to counseling for stress and/or management and for them to continue working in their current position.
5. Determine a worse case scenario. If the aforementioned worker doesn’t want to participate in stress/anger management they have to be demoted to a less demanding job.
6. Consider other situations. Maybe the person will start with stress management and temporarily take on less work. Or they will start anger management and then work into stress management. Any step is still a step forward.
7. If possible talk to the offending person with just yourself and one other person.
8. Talk to them in a neutral location, not at work or where meetings for your organization are held. I suggest doing it toward the end of the day, or if at lunch give them the afternoon off in case they need some time to process the information. Talk in a secluded location where you will not be interrupted. Turn off your phones also.
9. Make the conversation a hamburger with the criticism as the meat. Start off on a positive note and try to end on one. Make a point to tell the person what they are doing write and their positive qualities. A lot of people tend to overreact also so instead of saying, “if you don’t stop being unbearable when you are busy then you are going to be demoted because we can’t take it.” Try saying, “You are doing great work in your current position and having taken on a heavier work load we are all becoming concerned about the stress you seem to be having and we would like you to enroll in counseling for stress management because we really value you as a member of our team and feel that it would be beneficial.”
10. If the person takes the criticism and adapts it let them know that you are proud of them and appreciative that they were able to take it.

Giving criticism is an art, just keep in mind that true friends stab each other in the front and your friend/coworker may not realize that their behavior is hurting others.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that frightens us. We ask, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? Playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Nelson Mandela

Do you play small? Why?

I have been given some interesting advice during the course of my existence. I take all advice with a grain of salt and try to utilize the knowledge I am given, because most people don’t take the time to offer you assistance just to hear themselves talk. But the other day I was given some advice that not only do I choose to not apply to myself, but I am disgusted at having received. I was told that if I lowered my standards for other people I would be a much happier person.

If I were to expect less from people I would be happier with them; instead of being upset that there are people within my organization who exhibit unethical and morally reprehensable behavior I should lower my standards; I should lower my standards instead of expecting people to reach them.
If lowering the standards I hold my friends to, the same standards I hold myself to, means having more friends then I’m not buying. Would you? Would you lower your standards if it meant having more friends?